First Morning Rosh HaShanah: Managing Transitions

(delivered by Rabbi Sacks on September 16, 2023)

My roommate tells me: “I think it’s time we address the elephant in the room.”

I respond: “Okay, where are we sending it?”

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said, “Thanks.”

I said, “Don’t mention it.”

On this first morning of Rosh HaShanah, I wanted to not only mention, but address the elephant in the room of this community: Transition. Yes, this will be a year of transition for all of us. I know that I have so many feelings–of sadness and uncertainty, but also of hope and excitement for the future. With so much to feel, so much to think about, and so much to do, it’s important for all of us to acknowledge and start managing this transition.

How might we do this? I found Bruce Feiler’s book, Life is In the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age to be helpful. Feiler collected hundreds of life stories in all 50 states from Americans who have been through major life changes,

• from losing jobs to losing loved one,
• from changing careers to changing relationships
• from getting sober to simply looking for a fresh start

Among the people he interviews are

• a CIA analyst who quit to train rescue dogs,
• a former white supremacist,
• a physicist who quit his job to dedicate his time to his YouTube band Ninja Sex Party,
• a highly decorated paralympian,
• suicide attempt survivors, and
• General George Patton’s granddaughter, who left a life of wealth and prestige to become a nun.

Ever since Gail Sheehy’s 1974 classic work Passages, virtually all self-help books assume a linear pattern or progressive stages. You might think of a staircase. In the early part of our lives, we climb the stairs; in the middle, we reach the landing; in our later years, in this scheme, we descend the other side of the staircase into our demise.

What Feiler discovered was that we do not actually live in the linear world of the staircase. Rather, we live in a world in which transitions are more frequent and, sometimes, unexpected. Often these changes, some of which Feiler calls “disruptors,” take us “off course” or down a “long and winding road.”

If Feiler is correct, then we should not approach life by measuring ourselves against the high plateau of the metaphorical staircase. Rather, we should take in the reality that our lives do not chug merrily along some sure path. Instead we will continue to experience winding turns and obstacles. Our key mission, and challenge in life, then, is to learn to master the skills we need to handle the curves in the road, to manage these life changes.

The idea that we will have one job, one relationship, one source of happiness is, to be generous, outdated. We wrap our heads around our life’s contours, and then change comes. So we rethink things–our studies, career, a relationship, or our Jewishness. Things we once spurned, we sometimes learn to love and embrace. As we evolve, we continue to rethink.

And, sometimes, when we sense that decisions we have made have gone south, we discover that they actually led to a new world of opportunity and purposeful living.

We all have upheavals in our lives, and we sometimes veer off course. Feiler suggests that “we are often living our lives out of order.” Indeed, Feiler notes that virtually everyone he interviewed asserted that at least one aspect of their lives was “off schedule,” “off course,” “out of sync,” or “out of order.”

Feiler’s interviews and research show that each of us may face dozens of disruptors, and that we spend up to half of our lives in unsettled states. I suspect that we or someone we know is living through one right now.

On this Rosh HaShanah, as we reflect upon our lives, on what G!d might be reviewing in our personal sefer chayyim, our Book of Life–and as we consider where we have been and where we want to go, Feiler encourages the following:

Take a moment to reflect back on your life. Think of key transitions–they could involve home, work, family, or health. It may have been something you found unexpectedly easy or something that was challenging to you. Take a moment to remember. [NOTE: Rabbi paused briefly]

While these scenes are fresh, think about the major theme or through line of these scenes. It might be an ongoing source of conflict, struggle, or challenge. Alternatively, it could be a through line of happiness, resilience, success, or something that gives you pride.

Feiler suggests that our life’s major through lines concern identity, love, work, body, and beliefs. On these holy days, we might forge the time to identify and analyze them, so we can decide what actions will give our lives more purpose and meaning.

So let us use these yamim nora’im, these Days of Awe, to examine our stories and their though lines. What might our children and grandchildren learn from our lives, our behaviors? Are there things in our life for which we would like to press a reset button?

Feiler concludes his book with a story about John. Feiler asked him, “What is the shape of your life?” John answered: “A winding river…that may sound corny, but there is a Garth Brook song called ‘The River’ that really made an impact on me. It begins:

You know a dream is like a river

Ever changin’ as it flows

And the dreamer’s just a vessel

That must follow where it goes

That’s what I feel like today.”

Feiler understands: Even though we can’t control the river, even though life is ever flowing and ever changing, sometimes exasperatingly so, we must, with Garth Brooks, “choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tide.”

Another man, whose yahrzeit we recently passed, left us great advice on navigating the winding roads and rivers of our lives. You may recall Dr. Viktor Frankl from our Significant Jewish Book Club discussion of his major work, Man’s Search for Meaning. That work is considered one of the 100 most important books of the twentieth century by the Library of Congress. Fran did a masterful job of presenting this work and explaining Frankl’s major theory that asserts that a search for life’s meaning is the central motivational force in human life.

Frankl’s theories became severely life-tested. In 1938 the Anschluss, the Nazi annexation of Austria in 1938, limited his opportunity to treat patients at his private practice. In 1940, he joined Rothschild Hospital, the only hospital in Vienna still admitting Jews, as head of the neurology department. There he helped numerous patients avoid the Nazi euthanasia program that targeted the mentally disabled.

In 1942, just nine months after his marriage, Frankl and his family were sent to Theresienstadt concentration camp. There his father died of starvation and pneumonia. In 1944 Frankl and the surviving members of his family were transported to Auschwitz, where his mother and brother were murdered in the gas chambers. Later his wife Tilly died of typhus in Bergen-Belsen. Frankl himself spent three years in four concentration camps.

Frankl felt that all of these difficult years reinforced his theory. In shorthand he teaches:

• “Everything can be taken from a person except for one thing: the last of the human freedoms–to choose one’s attitude and behavior in any given set of circumstances.”
• That “when we are not able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
• That living means being responsible, taking responsibility for our actions.

Unlike Freud, Frankl believed in the power of religion. He wrote, “To believe in G!d is to see that life has meaning.” In fact, Frankl davened (prayed) daily throughout his life. With Freud and Adler, Frankl’s logotherapy is considered the third pillar of Viennese psychiatry.

Frankl’s logotherapy has three main tenets: that each person has a will to meaning, can find meaning in transition, and has a freedom of will to change on a dime.

• a will to meaning: Each of us wants to discover what gives us meaning in our lives and how we can achieve that meaning.
• meaning in transition: Each of us can learn from our experiences, even the difficult ones, to grow, to become resilient, compassionate, and strong.
• a freedom of will to change at any instant: We are never really stuck, because multiple options are always available to us.

Frankl concludes Man’s Search for Meaning with the following:

We have come to know what humanity is all about. After all, man is that

being who created the gas chambers of Auschwitz. However, he is also

that being who has entered those gas chambers standing upright, with

the words of the Lord’s Prayer or Sh’ma Yisrael on his lips.”

Viktor Frankl teaches us that we can live our lives in a way that is directed toward uncovering meaning and purpose and, through courage and a sense of responsibility, direct our lives to those people and ideals that will bring love and make our world a better place.

And from Bruce Feiler we learn that:

We must insist that the narratives of our lives can turn out well….We

must never give up on our dreams and create happy endings.”

The close of one chapter, the end of one dream, what was last year, can now compel us to push through the challenge, paddle through the river’s torrents, and persevere through the woods. We are not alone. The woods are filled with people like us. Think of our CAH family as a beautiful forest, each tree significant but interconnected.

Bruce Feiler is Jewish and his family is affiliated with a synagogue. His book does not mention Rosh HaShanah. But he didn’t have to. The entire book screams out themes and messages of Rosh HaShanah.

• What is the high point of our year or life?
• What is difficult for us, and how do we respond to disruptors?
• What would we like G!d to write in our Book of Life this year?

The amidah is the central prayer of our tradition. In the version recited on weekdays there’s a remarkable blessing. It begins Ba-rech aleinu Hashem Elokeinu et ha-shanah hazot, “O G!d, bless this year.” One would think that this would be more appropriate for Rosh HaShanah. Why would we ask G!d to make this year great every day of the year when even a few months from now it will no longer be the beginning of the year? And this prayer was recited even yesterday although only hours remained in the year. Moreover, do we think that G!d doesn’t hear well or has a faulty memory that we should repeat this every day?

Well, to me, the blessing makes sense because what the year is cannot be fully appreciated until we finish the year and look back on Rosh HaShanah. Further, on any given day, so much life can happen that alters our perceptions and perspective. Finally, by reciting the blessing, we are reminded not only that G!d is present with us, but that it is not entirely on G!d to make the year one of blessing. The Hebrew states that G!d should place the blessing aleinu, “about us.” It is up to us to find it, uncover it, reach out for it, grasp it, and integrate the blessings into our hearts, into our beings.

Today on Rosh HaShanah we transition from who we were last year to the 5784 version of ourselves. We pause to consider the type of person we want to be and how to respond to the challenges and obstacles that life may place in our path. As we ask God to judge us favorably and to write us into Sefer Ha-Chayyim, the Book of Life, may we do everything we can to harness our courage and honesty to assess where we are and where we want to be. Then let us work during these days leading to Yom Kippur to reconcile our hearts with both our past and our future, so that we can lean better into the present.

Rosh HaShanah allows us to figure out how to get out of the woods, to navigate the river, and to dream again. So today, let us dream another dream and dare to believe that we can manage all of our transitions. And may the journey of this new year 5784 bring us joy, life, meaning and purpose.

L’shanah tovah to all of you.

[NOTE: Rabbi followed this sermon by teaching us and leading us the song, “Bless This Year,” based on the blessing he discussed toward the end of his d’var Torah. The words to this song follow]

BLESS THIS YEAR

(Music and English: Jamie Marx; Hebrew blessing from the morning Amidah prayer)

When we wake up

to the world outside,

there’s another chance to make it right.

Open our hearts,

open our eyes,

let us be the spark that makes a bigger light,

and don’t let us be satisfied,

Baruch A-ta A-d-nai,

m’vareich ha-sha-nim.

Baruch A-ta A-d-nai,

This is our year to dream.

Doesn’t matter how,

doesn’t matter why,

got a gift to bring, then you gotta try,

don’t just sit there satisfied.

Baruch A-ta A-d-nai,

m’vareich ha-sha-nim.

Baruch A-ta A-d-nai,

This is our year to dream.

Every day another year begins.

We pray You’ll give us what we need.

But this broken world needs our help to heal.

Be a shining light and see your dream is realized.

Baruch A-ta A-d-nai,

m’vareich ha-sha-nim.

Baruch A-ta A-d-nai,

This is our year to dream.